How You Can Overcome Self-Sabotage

I’ve noticed over my decades of developing video and learning systems for many folks that a lot of people have trouble dealing with competition.

So I consulted with some gurus in that area and discovered three common thoughts and related behavior that hold people back from competing well.

All three tend to be based on the remnant thoughts that many people adopt after early life experiences dealing with intimidating and belittling authority figures.

When we’re hobbled with low self-esteem from believing the crap others say about us, it’s no wonder we have trouble facing challenges and stiff competition online for business.

The human subconscious is programmed to automatically avoid trauma (physical or emotional) by developing protective coping habits such as procrastination or fleeing from conflict and competition.

Therapists call these limiting assumptions and coping habits self-sabotageaccepting as true the depressing mindset of doubt, feelings of vulnerability, and lack of self-confidence just because others claimed those things about you. 

The result is living fearfully within your safe comfort zone of the same old thoughts and behaviors.

Trouble is, there is no growth or progress in your comfort zone, only the repetition and recycling of old thoughts and decisions that got us where we are now.

Like quicksand, this mentally self-defeating land of “stuck” has a tenacious hold that resists every attempt to feel better about ourselves.

Yet hope springs eternal, and many of us hiding out in our comfort zones discover we’re in Einstein’s self-defeating loop:  Doing the same things over and over, while expecting different results.

You can’t get up “there” to that higher, more productive, braver mindset by thinking and behaving in ways that got you where you are.

So take a quick little REALITY CHECK and see if you regularly experience any of these three common limiting assumptions about yourself that trap you in your comfort zone.

Self-Sabotaging Assumption #1 – “I feel everyone is judging me on my appearance. Makes me want to be invisible where nobody can observe me and criticize things about me. There’s safety in hiding.”

First, it’s important to be aware of, and admit to yourself, that worrying so much about how you look to others is being overly sensitive and self-absorbed.  Doesn’t sound like a successful way to think if you want to get ahead in business, does it?

You can turn this claim around by realizing you’d be so much more productive and successful if you believed that “it’s not about me, but about the pains and problems of people I serve, and getting them to a level of thriving and feeling good about themselves.”

Focusing on helping others is a powerful antidote that leaves no time for worrying about what people think of you.

Think about it…your audience isn’t there to criticize and tear you down.

They are taking the time to listen to you because (1) they believe you know something about their major pain, fear, need, or want, and (2) they hope you have a solution for their urgent concern.

If you talk about their common problem using their own words (from your surveys and research of your ideal prospects), and offer a solution, they don’t care what you look like.

More later on how to actually look and sound more like a pro, so this transition can be easier for you.

Self-Sabotaging Assumption #2 – “I don’t ask for the sale as often or as directly as many others do.  I’m not confident that I did a good job of convincing others of the value of my products and services – I’m always bracing for them to say no.”

First, note the limited thinking (not confident I presented enough value) and the protective coping habit (withdrawal, or bracing for “no”). 

Obviously if you don’t putt the ball, and with confidence, it will never make it in the hole.  All the previous swings from tee to green are therefore wasted without the finish.

And wouldn’t you be more willing to ask a person to buy if you were comfortable that your words, logic, and emotional appeal were right on target for your ideal prospect?

When you believe in the value of what you’re providing – the end result, the positive change in the buyer’s life – then asking for the sale is truly an invitation for the buyer to thrive.

Self-Sabotaging Assumption #3 – “If I’m not 100% sure I can do a task, I won’t even suggest it. So I miss a lot of opportunities to break free of my limiting comfort zone where there is no learning, nor getting better.”

I know a number of people who jump all over opportunities, regardless of whether they think the task is doable for them.

One friend told me that, “Hey, I always say YES at each new opportunity in my wheelhouse, because I can always research it on the Internet and/or hire help to get something done that’s beyond my skills.”

Fear of failure keeps many from even trying…when it’s precisely failure that is the greatest school for success in the long run.

We learn by doing things wrong, and then build determination to find a better way next time.  If you always win, you’re not trying hard enough to grow.

I’ve made huge leaps in my career by jumping at new and challenging opportunities, and using the good stress to work my way to a new skill. One got me a $400,000 project to produce 30 training videos, and another turned into a strong customer with regular work over 23 years.

Okay, so that’s easy for me to say.

So what’s the answer for you, to give you the strength to jump at new and challenging opportunities?

The answer is not in the next “shiny object” online information program…because information and rah-rah motivation alone don’t pry us loose from our old programmed assumptions and coping habits.

Watching long videos and taking assignments home to “self-study” do not convince the subconscious of 97% of us to drop the walls of its comfort zone and suddenly think and act differently.

And we still can’t get up “there” with the thinking and habits that got us where we are now.

The good news is that a transformative coach or mentor knows how to walk you one baby step at a time through the process of building your self-confidence for expanding your comfort zone.

And one of the best type of coach to get you that transformation is a video coach who knows how to help you look and sound like a pro any time you’re on camera or in front of a live audience.

That’s a HUGE advantage when you can be your real self on camera.

The right coach can give you a confidence makeover with simple changes in these 5 key areas:

  1. Camera position — Offering a more pleasing and attractive picture of you for your viewers to look at.
  2. Lighting – Creating more natural skin tone, a pro studio look, so watching you will be a more pleasant experience.
  3. Sound – Tweaking your voice to be rich and full to draw attention to your message.
  4. Background – Creating a brandable look and avoiding all those distractions.
  5. You – Choosing the right clothing, jewelry, hair style, etc. – and using body language proven to draw people to you and your message.

Then that same experienced video coach can show you how to make magnetic sales videos that will attract lots of ideal prospect to become ideal customers.

As the sales grow, your self-confidence and fun in life will zoom!

And finally, get help with how to use your customers words about their pains, fears, needs, and wants to draw them to your solutions.

Follow the Tiger Woods approach to getting super good at something new:  practice, practice, and then practice more!

As each coach-guided step turns into an encouraging win, you’ll be ever more willing to step outside your comfort zone and take the risks that really pay off financially and personally.

It’s a whole lot easier to continue to try something new and scary on the heels of a string of wins and victories – and with the support and encouragement of a transformative coach who thrives when you do.